Hi. I have a lot of old recordings and experiments that I did that I haven’t taken the time to listen to since I made them. A lot are pretty unpleasant, though they have some potential for future samplings. Some turned out pretty cool though. I am happy that I have been composing for this long. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and belonging if that makes any sense. Over the course of the next few days/weeks I will be compiling them and sharing them here and other places for you to check out. Here is the first one.
Composing and playing my songs for an audience is what I really want to do, and where I believe my passions, talents, and gifts collide. I’ve had to do a lot of work to understand how to compose, and I am probably not doing it in the proper way still. But I’ve just let my intuition guide me for about 9 years now. Recent songs that I’ve composed have been a peak in the journey for me. Like everything is starting to come together, and I am excited about that.
I started taking guitar lessons with Tim Wendel, who teaches at CU, and who had a life pre-CU that mirrors the one I would like to have. Touring with a Broadway show, making a living playing gigs in Philadelphia. And he is currently making his living as a musician too. During our first lesson, he asked me what I want out of the lessons. I know that he will be a good teacher.
I feel like my college years were wasted because of self-sabotage. I’ve realized that I’ve always had everything I need to live the life I want right in front of me, and that must scare me, so I don’t pursue it. I find different people or events to blame. While they may be setbacks, I feel I’ve let these circumstances take away my agency. I feel like I am finally breaking free from these mental chains.
It’s been a long process, and I’ve been privileged enough to have a stable home and many years of therapy to correct my course on the way. There will no doubt be many more challenges, and I might regress. I will try to adapt and overcome as much as I can to pursue what I believe is my calling. It will take passion, hard work, and all of my devotion.